What it Really Means to be Pro-Choice

#MarchForLife

#IStandWithPP

#DefundPlannedParenthood

#MyBodyMyChoice

These hashtags are filling up social media right now. Especially with the potential appointment of Neil Gorsuch (a very vocal pro-life activist) to the Supreme Court, the internet is full of the republicans rejoicing and the democrats dissenting.

I have been doing a lot of research, trying to understand both sides of the issue. I am very, very pro-life (or anti-abortion, if you like — the term doesn’t offend me), but I wanted to understand why so many people are pro-choice/pro-abortion. I then worked on writing my responses to them.

There are lots of assumptions and fudged facts on both sides, but with some digging the truth can come out. The other difficulty is that sometimes that answers have room for interpretation or opinion, such as to the question of when life begins. I have tried to be as factual and distant as I can as I respond to these different arguments, but I cannot help but be biased because I have a three-month-old son who is the light of my life (my husband calls him our little photon), and the idea of him being killed in the womb makes me cry without hesitation.

I invite comments, responses to my arguments, and clarifications if anything I wrote doesn’t make sense to you. References and additional links are provided at the end with corresponding numbers. This war of words is all over the internet, and maybe this article will help somebody think a little more about choosing life.

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1. Fetuses aren’t alive until later in pregnancy, so early-term abortions aren’t killing anything.

→Miriam-Webster Dictionary’s definition of “life” is an “organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction.” A baby in the womb exhibits all these qualities. From the moment of conception, the fertilized oocyte (egg) is metabolizing, giving it energy to grow, until it is a fetus and reacts to stimuli in its small uterus world, and begins its process of preparing to reproduce, which won’t be completed for another 10–16 years (adolescence).

2. Fetuses aren’t considered people until they are viable or born.

→Sea turtle eggs are protected by both federal and state laws. Any destruction to these embryos can result in high fines or even jail time! Yet, human embryos (what we call babies in the earliest stages of pregnancy) are legal to kill in awful ways. Here are illustrations of both sea turtle and human embryos:

Both are supported by an organ to feed them (placenta/yolk sac). Both are soft and vulnerable. Neither could survive outside their current environment. My question is: Why is a sea turtle a precious sea turtle at this stage, and a human is a disposable fetus?

3. A fetus’s right to life doesn’t mean it has the right to use a woman’s body; my body, my choice.

→The thing is, a fetus is not part of a mother’s body. It is no more part of her body than you are part of your car when you drive it. It is essential for your survival and protection as you travel at those speeds, but when you reach your destination you get out and leave the car as it was.

A common misconception is that the placenta connects the fetus directly to the mother. This is not exactly true; half of the placenta is made by the mother’s tissues, but the other half is made by the blastocyst (name for an early, early stage of baby development) and then connects to the half made by the mother. The placenta acts as a barrier as well as a carrier: Nutrients travel from the mother to the fetus, but the mother’s blood and the baby’s blood never mix. They are two completely separate beings with two separate bodies.

Pro-life activists aren’t trying to control your body; they are trying to protect the bodies of innocent babies.

4. Babies are difficult and expensive; abortion means less children born to parents that can’t handle them.

→People in life seek to get rich so they can buy nicer things, which are more expensive. If we’re assigning worth to things based on how expensive they are, then children are the most precious things in the world!

In all seriousness, human life is precious. The Founding Fathers of the United States said in the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” The first unalienable right listed is that of life. Every fetus deserves life.

As for expenses that wear on families, there are so many government programs to help families that are struggling. There are also nonprofit programs and thrift shops to help. With those aids, children born into less than ideal circumstances have the chance to live and hopefully improve those circumstances for their children. In the worst case scenarios, adoption may prove to be a viable option for decreasing financial pressure of children while still respecting their right to life.

5. The adoption system is already too full and slow, so abortion is a more realistic and useful option.

→It’s true that the adoption system is messed up. It can cost so much money and take so long. It requires lawyers and agencies and an understanding of laws that I won’t even pretend to understand. However, abortion as an easier option means that a change to the adoption process will never happen. The fact that it is easier to kill a child than to adopt one is wrong. If we put as much effort into protesting adoption rights as we do abortion, I believe more children would live and would have the chance to be placed into loving homes.

6. Babies limit a woman’s ability to progress in her career.

→I have two responses to this argument. First: Being a stay-at-home-mom is a career. I don’t get vacations and evenings off like my husband — it is a 24/7 job that makes no money, but saves a ton of it. SAHMs also get to spend tons of time with their kids during the most developmentally vital years.

Second: You can have a career and a family. It takes work and expert juggling, but you can do it. If a career is important enough, women can make it work without needing to abort their child. Besides, if the career is lucrative enough to consider abortion, then odds are it makes enough money to pay for day care.

7. It’s just another form of birth control.

→I’m not going to enter the argument about whether birth control is moral or not. That is another conversation entirely. However, abortion is not birth control. The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines “contraception” as “deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation.” “Abortion” is defined as “the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus.” Those terms are not synonymous, because “prevention” means before and “termination” means after. Going back to our earlier argument about embryos and fetuses being alive, “termination” means killing a living human. Birth control stops the sperm and egg from becoming one at all. Big difference.

8. Making abortion illegal doesn’t decrease the number of abortions, but instead just causes women to seek out unsafe abortions.

→Yes, that is true, but the laws that prohibit driving 100 mph on the freeway don’t seem to drastically decrease the number of people doing so. The laws are there to dissuade those on the edge from acting a certain way, to add a sense of morality to obeying the law, and to express consequences for disobeying. For example, those people who drive 100 mph on a 70 mph freeway will have a more disastrous crash if mishap were to occur than those going the speed limit. The law is there to help keep people safe. In the same way, the law to make abortion illegal would save the unborn from the abortions and the women from unsafe abortions, but if someone decides to do it on their own then the “crash” will be more disastrous.

9. Abortion saves women from the psychological damage caused by being refused an abortion.

→This argument is the one I know the least about. I am not well-versed in psychology, and the articles I read had very mixed messages. All I can say is this: An abortion is a huge, and very final, decision. There is no turning back once it’s done, and the consequences of ending a potential life are immeasurable. I feel that that should have some affect on the mental health of the woman receiving the abortion, but if the fetus is not seen as a human life I can understand why having the opportunity for freedom from that “burden” would be of greater harm than actually receiving the abortion. If we agree that fetuses are human, though, then I believe the psychological damage would be worse after having an abortion than being denied one.

10. Abortion is an effective means of population control.

→The world isn’t overpopulated. As technology and science progress we’ll be able to help the planet sustain even more people! Besides, we have a while before we even have to worry about sustainability. The problems of sustainability and distribution of resources may be solved by one of the fetuses that someone decides not to abort for the sake of population control.

11. Childbirth is much more dangerous than an abortion.

→Dangerous for who, exactly? The amount of women who die in childbirth is so much lower than the amount of children who die from abortions. It is a risk to get pregnant and have a baby (I know, because my type 1 diabetes caused an emergency c-section for me and a NICU stay for my baby), but it also brings about great potential to better the world with each child born. Each child aborted is a risk averted, and an infinite potential snuffed out.

12. Tax dollars don’t fund the abortions at Planned Parenthood.

→The taxes may not directly be put to use in funding abortions, but they are used in other ways that free up other money for the abortions. It’s the same as if your mom gave you $20 for groceries, but now you have an extra $20 to go to the movies. You may not be using the exact $20 bill your mother gave you, but that money freed up the money you used for the movie. In the same way, the government tax dollars go toward STI testing, birth control, or other preventative measures, freeing up lots of money to go toward abortions.

In fact, reports from former Planned Parenthood managers tell that abortion quotas are set and incentives given to reach them. This system of government funding everything but the abortions and the displaced money going to them instead creates a revenue from the abortions.

13. Abortion is most often used in cases of danger to the mother or baby, or in cases of rape.

→This reason is extremely overused. Less than 1% of abortions are used to save the mother’s life, and less than .5% are due to cases of rape or incest. As for the health of the baby, what does killing it accomplish? Most baby-health-related cases include early delivery or miscarriage, so abortion is not necessary. Abortion because the baby is sick just means there’s never any chance of recovery and healthy birth. The majority of abortions are because of convenience or economic reasons. This argument, while the idea is valid, is vastly exaggerated.

14. It saves parents from having to deal with children with severe disabilities such as anencephaly, down syndrome, etc.

→The percentage of children diagnosed with Trisomy 21, or Down Syndrome, who are aborted varies from 61–93% in the United States and Europe. That means more than half of these children don’t get the chance to grow, learn, or be loved. 95% of children with anencephaly (where the child is born without parts of the brain and skull) are aborted upon diagnoses. Yet there are so many stories of very successful people with Down Syndrome who change the lives of those around them, and of babies with anencephaly who only live a short while but are loved by their family forever.

The best things in life aren’t easy. The families of these children with Down Syndrome, anencephaly, and other severe disabilities are stronger and better for their struggles, and for the lives that, even for a short time, were part of theirs.

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I have tried to remain logical and scientific throughout this article. I have included references and additional opinions to support my responses. Now, I am going to express my personal beliefs.

I am a Christian, and I believe that every single person is a child of God — me, you readers, the baby with anencephaly, the doctor who has performed hundreds of abortions, the mother who walks out of the clinic with a baby and the mother who leaves without one. Each and every child conceived deserves the chance to fulfill their divine potential as a son or daughter of God. Life may not be easy for them — disabilities, difficult family circumstances, adoption, or the foster care system — but at least they have a chance to take those hardships and grow from them.

Abortion takes the choices that belong to God — whether the baby lives or dies in the womb — and takes it upon ourselves. Humans are selfish and short-sighted, and it’s not always our fault, but that means that it should not be up to us to decide the fate of an innocent baby who cannot make the choice for itself.

It is our duty to protect the unborn. To be pro-life is to be pro-woman, pro-man, pro-human, and ultimately pro-choice, because you are standing up for the choices of those yet to be born.

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References:

1. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/life
2. http://thecotas.com/2012/01/sea-turtle-nests-protected-by-state-and-federal-law/ ; http://abortionprocedures.com/ ; pictures from google images
3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placenta ; the car analogy is not mine, but I heard it on social media a long time ago and was not able to find the original source.
4. http://www.welfareinfo.org/child/ ; http://www.ushistory.org/DECLARATION/document/
5. http://www.adopt.org/ten-step-overview
6. http://www.salary.com/stay-at-home-mom-infographic/;http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jamie-davis-smith/why-i-dont-regret-being-a-stay-at-home-mom_b_3849263.html ; https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/02/dont-rule-out-having-children-because-you-want-to-have-a-career/273154/
7. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contraception ; https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/abortion
8. http://www.law.uchicago.edu/news/why-do-people-obey-law
9. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1046582/Can-abortion-Six-women-different-views-.html
10. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/09/14/opinion/overpopulation-is-not-the-problem.html
11. http://abortionprocedures.com/ ; http://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SH.STA.MMRT ; http://www.lifenews.com/2013/04/05/1270-babies-born-alive-after-failed-abortions-in-the-united-states/
12. http://www.dailywire.com/news/12425/how-planned-parenthood-can-spend-taxpayer-money-frank-camp (This is not an official source, but where I got the example I used. It has some good insights, though, so I recommend reading it anyway); http://liveaction.org/abortioncorporation/
13. http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/abreasons.html
14. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Down_syndrome#Abortion_rates ; http://healthresearchfunding.org/20-important-anencephaly-statistics/ ; http://www.ndss.org/DSWORKS/DSWORKS-Success-Stories/ ; http://www.anencephaly.info/e/stories.php ; pictures from Google images.

Fighting for Important Things First

I am currently reading C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape Letters. The book is a fictional account of a correspondence between Screwtape, an "under-secretary of a department" in the devil's kingdom, and Wormwood, a junior temptor. Screwtape is giving Wormwood advice as he works to bring his "patient" to Satan. In chapter five, Screwtape warns Wormwood not to get too excited about the war in Europe that started. He says, "So do not allow any temporary excitement to distract you from the real business of undermining faith and preventing the formation of virtues." The war was a big deal, but it was more beneficial for these servants of Satan to focus on the inner virtues and faith of the individual.

Today there is what could be called a "social justice war" going on. Liberals and conservatives are at each others throats, spreading lies and slandering the other side. Everyone is angry, and the adrenaline rush they get from this "righteous anger" keeps them angry. While it is hurting the world to be fighting like this, how more is it hurting us individually? Are we so distracted by this war that we are allowing Satan to undermine our faith and prevent our forming virtues? 

In Jesus's sermon on the mount, He teaches, "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?" (Matthew 7:3-4). Are we calling out the other side, telling them about the mote in their eye while we, in our own lives, are suffering from a beam in the eye? It may seem like the causes in this social justice war are the most important things, but if we are not working on our relationship with the Savior, praying and studying the scriptures daily, and increasing in charity toward others, then we are losing the real war--the war against Satan. 

There is injustice in the world. There is racism, unfair wages, favoritism, unfair biases, and undo violence toward others. However, we cannot help fix the bad in the world before we fix the bad in ourselves. As I was reminded by a recent Facebook post, in the event of an airplane crash we need to put our own oxygen mask on before assisting others.

Back to The Screwtape Letters: In that same chapter, Screwtape says, "Give me without fail in your next letter a full account of the patient's reactions to the war, so that we can consider whether you are likely to do more good by making him an extreme patriot or an ardent pacifist." This statement presents two more ways Satan can try to bring us down: By making us "an extreme patriot or an ardent pacifist." 

First, I will address the idea of being a patriot. I am all for passion; if you've ever met my husband, you know that passionate discussions fill most of our car rides. He is passionate about everything from his faith to his jokes about invading Canada to his conviction when saying the phrase "God bless the USA." The problem with passion and patriotism comes when we let zealousness for "the cause" overcome our desires for kindness, understanding, and civility. In a way, extreme patriotism can shift us from worshiping God to worshiping the cause. 

Today, many people have left their faith to join "the religion of social justice." All their energy and thoughts go into fighting for the cause on social media and hating the other side. Jesus said, "For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another" (3 Nephi 11:29). Satan wants us to fight, because Jesus says, "if ye are not one ye are not mine" (Doctrine and Covenants 38:27), and the devil wants us to be anything but the Lord's.

On the other hand, Satan is also happy with us being ardent pacifists. In the Book of Mormon, Captain Moroni actively fights to defend "the cause of Christians" (Alma 48:10) by encouraging righteousness and physically preparing to defend their city. Mormon, the man who abridged the Book of Mormon, says of Moroni: "...this was the faith of Moroni, and his heart did glory in it; not in the shedding of blood but in doing good, in preserving his people, yea, in keeping the commandments of God, yea, and resisting iniquity. Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all men had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto Moroni, behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men" (Alma 48:16-17). 

Satan does not want lose his power over our hearts, so he does not want us to be like Moroni. He does this by encouraging pacifism, the idea that "it doesn't hurt me, so why bother fighting it?" And it's true: You may never have been attacked because of your race, or neither you nor your children were killed by abortion, so it's not your problem, right? Wrong! We are taught to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9), which includes standing up for their rights and helping to protect the defenseless. If our lives are so good, then we need to raise awareness for and give aid to those who's lives are less so. 

So where's the balance? How do we help others while avoiding contention? That, I believe, is a personal decision, but I do have some suggestions. First, we can be kind. We can be bold and direct while avoiding a direct insults of those who believe opposing views. Using kind words and pictures goes a long way. Second, try to understand others. Even if you don't agree, show understanding as you express your views. Acknowledge the struggles and ideas that led to having opposing views. Third, don't just fight the bad, but add good to the world. It is in loving and serving others that we will make the most difference, much more than fighting against the bad that we see in the world.

Our ultimate goal is to return to live with God, and to help our family and friends return to Him, too. As we work on improving ourselves, avoiding contention, and trying to make the world a better place, we can completely thwart whatever Screwtape and Wormwoods there are trying to drag us down and successfully become more like Christ. That will make us happy, and the world better.

Baby Monitor in the Bathroom-- A Day in the LIfe

00:00-- The baby starts making noises. He stops and I'm almost back asleep when he starts crying because he's hungry. I go into the other room to get him his heart medicine before he eats, and his crying intensifies steadily until I put the medicine in his mouth, then put his mouth to my breast so he can eat. He falls asleep while eating, so I carefully wrap him up and put him back in his crib. As soon as I lay down he starts crying again, realizing he wasn't full. I grab the nursing pillow and burp clothes and get him set up again. After just a few minutes he falls asleep while eating again and I go through the process of putting him in bed again. He starts to cry again as soon as I lay him down, so I put his pacifier in his mouth and put him in bed with me. I know it's supposed to be dangerous, but I've done this enough to know I won't roll over on him, and it's the only way I'll get him to sleep. I lay down next to him, make sure the burp cloth is securely under his head so he doesn't spit up on my sheets, put my arm gently over him, reach my feet out to cuddle with my somehow still-sleeping husband, and finally go back to sleep.

05:00-- I wake up to the baby beginning to cry. When I look at my phone I see I miraculously got a whole five hours of sleep, but by that point the baby is crying loudly and is apparently starving and wasting away. I quickly get set up and feed him again, wincing as he bites down with his gums. This time he finishes eating before he falls asleep, but now is starting to stink. I carry him to the changing table and change his poopy diaper by the soft blue glow of the night light. Changing his diaper woke him up more than I wanted, and as I wrap him up in his blanket he is looking all around, eyes wide and mouth in a "o" shape, just cute as can be. Still, I can't quite muster a smile because I'm far too tired. I skip the attempt to get him to sleep in the crib and just lay him down next to me. I cuddle him close to keep him from wiggling, and we both fall asleep quickly.



07:30-- The baby wakes up hungry again, and this time doesn't want to go back to sleep. I try snuggling with him while laying down in bed, but he cries and complains until I bring him out to the living room. We sit in the recliner and I rock back and forth, the baby propped up against my shoulder. I hope he'll rest his head on my shoulder and fall asleep, but instead he uses his unusually strong neck muscles and looks all around the room, which I have dark to try to keep him asleep. My husband gets up and gets ready, and as he leaves for work at 08:00 the baby and I are still rocking in the recliner, rocking and snuggling.

08:30-- I finally admit he's not going to sleep, so I put him in the swing, turn on the music, and attempt to get breakfast. I'm halfway through my bowl of rice crispies when he starts crying again. I shovel in a few more bites before he begins crying in earnest, and so I pick him up, hold him in one arm, and finish eating as best I can.



09:30-- I feed the baby again, adding another dose of heart medicine before feeding. I watch an episode of "Bones" on Netflix as he eats. This time he falls asleep, so I put him in the bedroom in his bassinet all snuggled up and set up the baby monitor. I bring my half of the monitor with me to the bathroom, where I finally get to pee and take a shower. I try to shower quickly, knowing the baby doesn't like sleeping in his crib as much as he does while being held, but the warm water is so relaxing and nice that I hear him crying over the monitor when I'm halfway through conditioning my hair. I hurry as fast as I can, wrap up in a towel and hurry into the bedroom, where he is near screaming his disapproval of being left in his crib so long. I pick him up, my dripping hair getting his pajamas all wet. When he's finally calm I set him down, quickly get dressed in jeans and a loose t-shirt, and pick him up again. We go into the living room, sit back in the recliner, and he goes back to sleep as I start yet another episode of "Bones".

10:00-- He's finally deeply asleep enough that I can lay him down, get more food, and load the dishwasher.

12:00-- Feed the baby again. Watch more "Bones". Put him in the swing when he falls asleep and throw a load of laundry in.



12:30-- When I decide I want lunch, the baby wakes up screaming. He fell asleep during his last feeding and I didn't really burp him, and it seems to have caught up with us. I hug him and pat his back until I get a good burp and a good amount of spit up on my shirt. He is still in pain, so I give him some Mylicon drops and rub some diluted peppermint oil on his tummy. He seems to feel better, but he spits up four more times before falling back asleep. I make a mental note to ask the doctor about reflux the next time the baby has an appointment. I call my mom as I cuddle the baby, desperate for adult conversation outside of Facebook, and she talks to me for a few minutes until the obligations of her own life cause our conversation to end.

16:30-- I have fed the baby two more times and have spent hours holding him as he fusses or sleeps, but won't sleep in his crib. During the in-between times I've eaten a popsicle and some tortilla chips and have thought about dinner, but I've realized that dinner isn't happening tonight. Thank goodness my husband brought home dinosaur chicken nuggets and frozen burritos yesterday. I throw some in the oven, then rush back to pick up the baby who is fussing again. Maybe I need to try not eating dairy for a day or two and see if that helps his tummy.



17:00-- My husband comes home. As soon as he's in the door I give him a kiss, ask about his day, and hand him the baby because I've been needing to use the bathroom nearly an hour but haven't had time. During dinner we watch a "Parks and Recreation" to unwind, but after dinner we go back to our work. I hold the baby and feed him again, while my husband studies for a test he has next week. I get to talk to him for a while, babbling on about my "Bones" episodes, funny things I saw on Facebook, and what happened with the baby, until I realize he really needs to study and so I go back to playing with the baby, who is wide awake and enjoying me singing "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam" and "Old McDonald Had a Farm" while I help him dance. At least I think he's enjoying it, because at two months I don't get a lot of response from him.

22:00-- The baby has eaten and fallen asleep, and I tell my husband I'm going to bed, too. He shuts his computer, reads scriptures and prays with me, then gives me a big kiss before I go back to bed and he keeps studying.

23:45-- The baby wakes up to eat. It hasn't been a full two hours, but my grumpy, sleepy mind says, "What the --" (like I said, grumpy) and I get up, get his heart meds, and start the cycle over again.

What I Learned in the NICU

The Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) is a sad place to be. It is filled with babies who are too small, too fragile, or too sick to go home with their parents and be cuddled and adored and spoiled. The constant beeping of monitors, the coming and going of doctors and nurses, and the tubing and monitor cords that get tangled around the baby make it anything but a cozy environment, no matter how much the nurses try to help make it one. 

Most of these babies are very premature; the earliest a baby can be born and live is 23 weeks, and many of our NICU neighbors were born at around 28 weeks. They have to be in an incubator, often they aren't able to swallow and so are fed through a tube, and sometimes the parents aren't able to hold them because they are too small or have too many medical attachments. Premies are small, skinny, and odd-looking because they were born before they had the chance to put on fat. My son was considered one of the cutest babies in the NICU because he was chubby and looked like a full-term baby with full cheeks and rolls. 

The babies in the NICU are under constant supervision from loving, intelligent nurses who are determined to get them healthy and get them home. Parents spend tens of thousands of dollars to keep their child there; on average the NICU costs $3000 a day and many infants stay for weeks (one of our NICU neighbors had been there over three months). Doctors and nurses not only take care of medical needs but change the babies' diapers and teach them how to bottle feed, as well as comfort and support the parents. So much money, time, and effort goes into making sure that 23-week premie grows, heals, and goes home.

So why is it that a fetus inside the womb at 23 weeks is considered "a blob of cells", "an inconvenience", or "not really alive"? By the end of the fourth week of gestation that little human has a face and a heartbeat even though it is only 1/4 of an inch long! The baby has a brain by the end of the second month, and is fully formed but tiny by the end of the third month (1). Furthermore, that "blob of cells" has a gender, hair color, eye color, nose shape, foot size, and all those other genetic traits already decided in the DNA from day one, when it is no more than a fertilized oocyte dividing into two, then four, then eight cells. Even when the baby is literally a ball of cells it still is the beginnings of a human being, what will become a little boy or girl with blue eyes and a tiny nose.

Abortion takes that potential and snuffs it out before it has a chance to be realized. Whatever that child might have been is gone. God let that body begin to form so one of His spirit children would have a home to experience this life in, and it is not up to us to decide who gets to come and who doesn't.

I understand that many people believe that abortion is a woman's choice because it is her body and the fetus is an unwelcome guest. Think of it this way (inspired by a meme I recently saw on the internet): When you drive a car, you need it to get where you're going. You are not a part of the car, and yet you cannot get out of the car until you reach your destination. Likewise, that fetus is in the woman's body, but is not a part of the woman's body. It cannot leave the uterus until it is fully developed, or gets to where it needs to go. Just as you are separate from the car, so is the baby separate from the mother's body. Unlike you and the car, the baby did not choose to be there. He/she depends on the mother to keep them safe because they don't have a choice in the matter.

In 2011, over 1 million abortions were performed in the U.S. (2). (The CDC has a different number, but since reporting abortion statistics is optional, I'm going with a different source [3].) Many people believe that abortion should be legal in the case of rape, incest, or danger to the mother's heath, but those situations are much rarer than they are made to seem. Only 1% of abortions are from rape or incest (4), whereas the "three most common reasons—each cited by three-fourths of patients—were concern for or responsibility to other individuals; the inability to afford a child; and the belief that having a baby would interfere with work, school or the ability to care for dependents (3)." As for concern for the health of the mother, I believe an emergency C-section would work just as well as an abortion, and then the baby at least has a chance to live instead of being killed before it got a chance.

Abortion is one issue where I stand strongly on one side and am not swayed by other arguments. I understand that I do not understand all situations, but I do know that every child of God deserves the chance to live. If they are not meant to survive, then that's the Lord's decision, not ours. 

Pregnancy is hard. Childbirth is hard. Raising a child is hard. Giving a child up for adoption is hard. Miscarrying or having a baby die shortly after birth is hard. Paying NICU bills is hard. Dealing with the shame of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy is hard. Changing your life to accommodate a surprise pregnancy is hard. The thing is, the best things in life are hard. Abortion is the easy way out, even if the process of deciding and having the procedure is not easy. 

I went through crazy blood sugar levels, worrying about a potential heart surgery for my baby, having a giant needle stuck in my spine before having my abdomen cut open, seeing my baby for the first time with an I.V. in his head instead of a cute hat on it, living in Salt Lake and staying in the NICU for most of the day for four weeks, having a huge ugly scar which has totally ruined my sex drive, and having over $10,000 in medical bills to have our son. I look at him sometimes and say, "You are the most expensive thing in my life," but I say it with a smile. In the grand scheme of things, can you really put a price on a child? Can you decide the worth of that soul inside your womb, or whether it gets to live or not? It doesn't matter what you want, how you feel or whether you have the money. That baby is depending on you to give him/her the chance to live.

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God" (5). That means every soul--yours, mine, and that four-week-old embryo with the faintest little heartbeat.

1. http://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases_conditions/hic_Am_I_Pregnant/hic-fetal-development-stages-of-growth

2. https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/induced-abortion-united-states

3. https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/abortion-reporting-requirements

4. http://www.abortionno.org/abortion-facts/

5. Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

We the People

I had hoped that the battle raging on social media would end when the election finished. Little did I know it was just the beginning.

My decision of who to vote for was one of the hardest decisions I've faced in a very long time. Both of the main candidates were deplorable, awful people and my moral center just couldn't handle having to vote for them. I liked the look of the third party candidates more, but I worried I would be throwing away my vote if I voted for them. The weeks leading up to the election were full of flip-flopping from one candidate to another until I decided what was the most important thing to me, and I voted accordingly.

I know of a woman who could not bring herself to vote for Trump because of her bad experiences with misogynistic men in her past, so she voted for Clinton despite not trusting her.

I know of another woman who loved Hillary and voted for her wholeheartedly.

I know of a woman who prayed about the decision, and felt prompted to vote for Trump.

I know a woman who despised both candidates and supported Evan McMullen through the whole last months of the election.

As for me, I decided to weigh my decision on the supreme court: Which political party better fits with my opinions and beliefs? I decided that, despite liking McMullen best, I would vote for Trump because he was the Republican candidate, and so would appoint Republican justices, who would rule in favor of decisions closer to what I believe.

I'd come to grips with my decision, felt good about it even, as the protests and #notmypresident and the constant barrage of anti-Trump articles filled my Facebook newsfeed. Then, I saw this on my feed because it was liked by one of my friends:



I know it wasn't meant for me personally, but it hurt me. All the other "people who voted for Trump are stupid" articles hadn't affected me at all, but this did. What I saw was blatant, unapologetic judgement on me as a person because of who I voted for. I must be a racist, I must hate handicapped people, I must be sexist and a bully if I voted for Donald Trump. Nevermind that I am a woman, that my all-time favorite job was working with handicapped adults, that I've never seen myself as better than anyone else because of skin color, and that I've worked my whole life to be kind to everyone. I must be awful because I voted for Trump.

This battle between the political parties needs to stop. I think Hillary is an evil woman, and yet I do not think less of anyone who voted for her. I think Trump is a tactless, horrible person, too, but a decision had to be made and I made it as best I could. We need to understand that each side had to concede something to be able to vote at all in this election. There was no "lesser of two evils"; it was just a matter of which evil, in your opinion, would do the most good in office. We do not need to attack those who voted differently from us. Everyone has different backgrounds, different experiences and different priorities which affected their vote. We cannot judge a person's vote because we do not know what motivated them to vote that way.

We are all children of God. We all are endowed with the same gift of agency, which includes the ability to choose who we vote for. Maybe it would have been easier to sit this election out, to call all the options bad and screw this, I'm not voting. But we didn't; we tried to be good citizens by participating in the decision that will affect the next four years of our nation. No one should be labeled as a bad person for doing that. Good for you for voting, no matter who you voted for.

If we are going to make sure that this nation is a good place to live in for the next four years, we need to start by loving each other. Clinton and Trump supporters must work together for this nation to run. The election is over, and I don't believe anyone is truly happy with the results, but now it's time to move forward.

The honest truth is that Trump doesn't determine our happiness, the quality of our friendships, or our degree of political participation: We do. It is still up to us, and with a touch more kindness than we have been having since the election, the world will improve, regardless of who our president is or what he does while in office. There are more of us than there is of him. We the people have the power to make this nation better.

The Most Important Things

This week has been an important week. Earth-shattering, life-changing, monumental in importance.

My son was born.

There was also a presidential election that seemed to shake the country and the world. Since that election both sides have still been battling. Attempts have been made to do everything from abolish the electoral college to ask the electors to vote contrary to their original commitments. There have been peaceful protests and full-out riots by both the disappointed Democrats and the celebrating Republicans. The news actually has something new and interesting every time you turn it on or log into Yahoo.

But that's small potatoes next to my baby.

We were not expecting baby Hyrum until the end of the month, but I went into because he didn't seem to be kicking as much as usual. A fetal nonstress test showed the baby inside me was less reactive than usual, and taking in other health factors they decided he needed to come today. I was taken by helicopter to a hospital in Salt Lake City, where it didn't take too long to get me prepped and into the O.R. for an emergency C-section.

I was awake for the operation, though completely numbed from the chest down. My husband was able to watch them pull our son from my abdomen, but the curtain he was looking over blocked my view of the baby (though I know it was overall a good thing, because Hunter says there was a lot of blood). After they stitched and stapled me up I was brought to a private room to recover. Our mothers stayed for an hour or so, but by then it was past midnight and the baby was still being treated in the Newborn ICU so we couldn't go see him. Hunter and I waited in the recovery room, til finally at 2 am we got word that the NICU was reopened and we could see our son on our way to my postpartum recovery room where I would spend the next four days.

The NICU is not that large, but the wonderful nurses wheeled my hospital bed in between the incubators until we reached where my little Hyrum lay. He was all wrapped up in a blanket, oxygen in his nose, a feeding tube down his throat and an I.V. in his scalp. It broke my heart to not be able to hold him, but reached out and touched his hand as Hunter placed a hand on his chest and whispered our love in his ears. It was only a few minutes, then I was whisked away to be seen by a nurse and given pain pills before we both tried to sleep. 

Once I got feeling back to my legs I was able to get in a wheelchair and make a trip to the NICU again. Hunter had already spent multiple hours watching over our son, but I wasn't able to move fully until the next afternoon. My wheelchair sat lower than his incubator, so I reached my hand up and grabbed his hand again, or gently stroked his dark hair. I was able to stay about half an hour before my pain and exhaustion brought me back to my room and into bed.

The next three days were the same, but with increasing strength and less wheelchair use. There was a taller chair the nurse would pull up by Hyrum so I could see him and place my hand on his chest. We couldn't hold him until the evening of the second day because of a central line in his umbilical cord that they were worried about. After that first time holding him, we held him as much as we could.

Finally, on the day I was discharged from the hospital, they moved Hyrum from the first high-intensity room to a quieter room. His lungs and pancreas were improving, and as they did more and more tests it looked less and less like there was actually an issue with his heart. They told us that he should be in the NICU only between one and two weeks, and every single nurse told us how cute our son is.

This week has seemed like the end of the world. Trump was elected president, Hillary Clinton supporters took to the streets, and the entire country seemed in uproar. In the midst of all that, my husband and I sat in a hospital room, having just left our baby in the NICU so I could sleep because i was still recovering from major surgery. He held me as I cried, mourning the fact that I could only hold my baby when the nurses let me, and when he cried it was a nurse who made him feel better and not me, his mommy. We have watched our four-day-old son have his heel pricked every six hours, have had to stop him as he found his oxygen tube and tried to pull it away from his face with his tiny hands, and have left the room as they replaced yet another tube or took another test.

The future of our country is important. Who is president is important and will affect me. The relationship between the Democrats and Republicans is also important. But what is most important is not in Washington, D.C. for me. I could care less who was elected and whether the rioters tear each other apart right now because I have a family to care for. I have a son who, while he is not fighting for his life, he is working harder than most babies to learn how to live and breathe on his own. I am learning how to be a mother at my sons bedside instead of with him in my arms. I am pumping instead of breastfeeding. My husband is working from the hospital, supporting me and our son while still trying to make money to pay for our NICU bills. These are my realities, much more real and much more important than any election. This is the beginning of my family, and while it is hard I can see the amazing blessings that come every single day. And more than anything, I have discovered that family is indeed the most important thing in life. My son, being here for him even though he cannot even focus his eyes on my face yet, that is the most important thing.

I hope we all can see that there are more important things than this election. I hope it is smaller than a baby in the NICU, but I also pray you see it. Date night with your spouse, a pizza party with your friends, a sibling who is having a really hard day--all those things trump Trump and Hillary and politics and riots and anything else. Our relationships are the things that will bring us joy forever, and they are the things that mean the most today, if we are willing to give them the proper amount of attention.

What Now?

Well, we survived it: The craziest election in American history. When I woke up this morning my house, my husband and my baby were still mine, my driver's  license was still valid and the nation hadn't yet spontaneously combusted. I'd call that a good beginning to any Wednesday, much less the one after a very hotly contested and extremely controversial election.

Congratulations Mr. Trump; you did what no one I talked to believed you would. Now we hope that you will use your office to improve and bless the nation rather than to use it for your own gain.

But really, what power do we have over that? What Trump decides to do in office has nothing to do with what we decide to do while he his in office. The reason we have three branches of government is to ensure that the President can't push the "self-destruct" button on the nation during his four-year tenure. So what really makes the difference?

We do.

It's true that the President of the United States has power to veto laws, write executive orders and be the face of our nation to the world. But who really decides what kind of land we are living in?

We do.

The hate, mud-slinging, dirt-digging, blowing everything out of proportion, and constant fighting has been going on long enough. This election has left everyone frustrated, sad, and covered  in muck. The time has now come to stand up, clean ourselves off, and to make our nation exactly what we wanted to make it when we cast our ballot. The truth is, though, that every day we make much more of a difference than we did on election day.

People voted for Evan McMullen to support religious freedom. We can support religious freedom every day by helping Muslim refugees, being kind to Mormon or Jehovah's Witness missionaries we meet on the street, and living our religious beliefs in such a way that we bless those around us.

People voted for Hillary Clinton to support the rights of the LGBT community. We can support the LGBT community every day by being kind to everyone before we know anything about their sexual orientation, by using kind words and avoiding slurs, and by remembering that everyone is a child of God.

People voted for Donald Trump to feel that they have a voice in government again. We can express our voice every day by obeying the law and supporting law enforcement, by keeping up to date on the issues in the nation and the world, and by finding ways to be active in the community, such as by volunteering at a shelter or sending out hygiene kits to countries in need.

Neither candidate was ideal. I talked with so many people who just couldn't decide who to vote for, because no matter who took the White House there would be problems, internal moral battles for the voters, and the external battles for everything else. We all voted for someone that either we or our friends think is evil. That does not make us or our friends evil. The only time there is one right answer in an election is when it is Jesus here to reign on earth, and that isn't happening for a while. We can feel so strongly that our candidate is the only right choice, but the truth is that the other side can feel the same way, too. There are pros and cons to every choice, and so we must not feel that those who did not vote our same way are stupid, hateful, or as evil as the person they voted for. They had their reasons, as did you. They may not have liked it, but they weighed their options and did what they felt was best, exercising their right to have some sort of say, no matter how small.

Differences in opinion are essential to having a productive community. The ideal situation is the two opposing ideas come together and meet in the middle, reaching a consensus that best benefits the most people. That doesn't happen as often as we might hope, but it shows that opposing views make change possible.

Now, I would like to take a moment to talk about my son. He will only be four years old when Donald Trump's term ends, so this election will not mean much to him. But as I think about what my son can learn from Trump, I did come up with some answers.

My son will not be looking to Trump as an example for how to treat women. He will be looking at his father and grandfathers. I can have a man who has said awful things (most of which I won't even read because I know how disturbing they will be) in the White House and have my son grow up to be a gentleman who opens doors for his sisters and proffers his arm to the girls at EFY. I can have a man who seems to have no filter when he speaks in the White House and still have my son learn to say kind words, to think before he speaks, and to be respectful to everyone.

Instead, my son will learn about the democratic process from Trump. He will learn how the electoral college works, explaining how Trump got voted in in the first place. He will learn why the Founding Fathers set up our country as they did, rotating our president out every four years and allowing the people to have a say in who gets in next. He will learn how the executive branch is only one branch of government, and how the legislative and judicial work together with the president to create the most balanced government we can. It's not much, but that is what my son can learn. from President Donald Trump.

As we continue on with our daily lives, seemingly unaffected by the election that took up so much of our time and effort and thoughts this week, we need to remember that there is only one president and there are 320 million of us. If anyone is really going to make a difference, it's not the president. It's each of the 320 million who strives to share goodness, to give hope and service, to be kind and caring regardless of any differences in opinion, and who stands for what they believe so that all of us with opposing ideas can stand together as cooperating and kind Americans.

God loves everyone. God loves Hillary Clinton; God loves Donald Trump. God loves and blesses this nation, and if we do our best to make it a good place full of the love of God, it doesn't matter who is in the White House. No single person can tear down this nation if we are working our best to make it better every day.