Viola Davis, in her 2017 Oscars award acceptance speech, said, “[W]e are the only profession to
celebrate what it means to live a life.” She was talking about being an actor, an artist. And I agree,
art in all its forms is important to help people understand different aspects of life, different views,
and different ways to really live. However, I do not agree that acting is the only profession
celebrating“what it means to live a life”. I believe that the epitome of celebrating living life is being a mother or father.
Motherhood is nearly equivalent to life. It is mothers that bring the new life of an unborn child to
completion through pregnancy and childbirth. It is mothers who produce amazing nourishment
from their breasts that fills all food groups and nutrients for their infants. It is mothers who have a special bond with their children, and are the first responders for nightmares, skinned knees, and boy/girl troubles.
Fathers give their children the means to live life. It is fathers who provide a feeling of safety and
protection. It is fathers who ensure their children have food, clothing, and shelter so the children
can really live. It is fathers who help their children stretch their limits and learn to live a little more
bravely.
Parents together give their children life at conception. Parents together teach their children how to
live and why to live. Parents together give children an environment in which to live and learn and
grow. Parents live life to the fullest by creating new life and devoting their lives to those new lives.
Thank you, artists and actors, for celebrating and teaching us about living life.
Thank you fathers for celebrating and teaching us about living life, for providing the beginnings of
life, and for continuing to provide for your families so they can live a full life.
Thank you mothers for celebrating and teaching us about life, for providing the beginnings of life,
for raising us and helping us grow both before birth and after, for using your wonderful maternal instincts to make life truly worth living for everyone in your family.
Sometimes the roles are reversed. Sometimes there is a parent missing. But regardless the
circumstances, I believe parenthood is the epitome of celebrating “what it means to live a life.”
As a child, Tyler experienced sexual abuse from his mother. His father had left when he was a baby, and so he grew up fascinated by the idea of a father, inventing his own father figure in his imagination. When he reached high school, Tyler realized that he didn’t like girls but instead felt those feelings toward the other boys. When the other students found out, he was called cruel names and lost most of his friends.
Amy grew up in a highly religious household, and came to believe strongly in that religion herself. She felt strongly that marriage was only to be between a man and a woman, and so she wrote an article about that belief. Even though she didn’t express any hostility toward any LGBT group or person, she was labeled a “bigot” and a “homophobe” by those who read her article.
Jason came out as gay in college, but still wanted to live his Christian religion. He met with his religious leaders, and they helped him to find ways to live within the church’s standards while accepting his homosexuality. In order to keep this balance, Jason chose to remain celibate and regularly met with his religious leaders as they supported and helped him. Other acquaintances in his gay support groups criticized him for not having “gay pride” and for living within the bounds of a narrow-minded, archaic religion.
Stephanie’s sister, Emma, was an active feminist. She marched on Washington and wore the pink hat to protest chauvinism. Emma wanted to make sure the world would be fair for her and her future daughters, because she felt it wasn’t yet. Stephanie, on the other hand, thought the march was unnecessary. She felt she was well-respected and didn’t need to be feminist to fulfill her potential as a woman. Both sisters thought the other was stupid for her beliefs, and the arguments turned into a bitter silence not long after the march.
These are four fictional stories drawn from the experiences of those I know and the stories I’ve seen on social media. They show the disparity between the idea and the person. You may think gay marriage is morally wrong, but that doesn’t mean calling a gay person a derogatory name is in any way acceptable. You may believe that women and minorities are oppressed and that men need to give them more rights, but that doesn’t mean you can insult those women who don’t agree with you or those men who are just trying to be nice by getting the door for you.
One of the most basic truths that is being lost in the world right now is that there are rights and wrongs. There is a moral black and white, yes and no, and not just within the bounds of religion. For a society to function, there must be moral absolutes. However, just because something is wrong doesn’t mean the person is bad. Every child experiments with swearing, and the best parents correct the child and continue to love them just as much.
In our situations, we are rarely in a place to judge or correct. Just because you don’t believe in gay marriage doesn’t mean you have to inform your friend who just came out that he’s going to hell. Just because you think Trump is an immature idiot doesn’t mean that you can tell your friend who voted for him that the country’s going to fail and it’s his fault. You don’t know what your gay friend is feeling. You don’t know why your friend felt like he should vote for Trump. You love the person, even if you don’t support the action.
Mahatma Gandhi is quoted as saying, “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” I believe that goes for any believe that is contrary to our own: We don’t have to agree or even support an action or lifestyle to love the person doing or living it. You can actively stand up for your beliefs without tearing down or insulting those who believe otherwise. Be brave, be bold, be straightforward, but don’t be rude.
Stay friends with Tyler. Read Amy’s article with an open mind. Support Jason’s lifestyle choices. Love both Emma and Stephanie equally. You never know what someone is going through or what someone is thinking. You are never in a place to judge the person, only to love them. That will make the world kinder, communication easier, and the sharing of ideas a pleasant experience instead of a harsh one.
There are always the women in your neighborhood who make motherhood look like sunshine
and roses. They always have their hair long and curly and their make-up perfect, while their
children are perfectly behaved music prodigies and super athletes. You just know that she
has a four-course meal prepared in her sparkling kitchen for her husband when he comes home,
then they make passionate love for hours once the kids are in bed.
Then there’s mothers like me: My hair is usually two-days unwashed and pulled up into a messy
bun on top of my head, I hardly ever wear make-up, and I’m in my pajamas for days at a time
without changing. My baby cries, has really nasty poop brought on by his anti-reflux medicine
(which doesn’t always work), and likes to be held all the time. My husband comes home, and I
practically throw the baby at him so I can use the bathroom before I make hashbrowns and eggs
for the third day in a row. Once the baby is finally asleep I collapse and ignore his subtle hints
that he would like to “do it” tonight, but instead cuddle up next to him and fall right to sleep.
Not every day is like that, but enough of them that I would not define motherhood as “sunshine
and roses”. In the same way, that “perfect” mother in your neighborhood has bad days, too; you’re
just not around to see them.
Some of the hardest parts of motherhood are also the best parts. My husband is always telling me
to “look at the bright side”, which just tends to make me angry when he says it, but he has a point.
Every scream means your baby is alive. Every poopy diaper means his digestive system is working.
Every quick, un-elaborate meal is food on the table. There’s a quote from the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban that describes this well: “Happiness can be found even in the
darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.” So here’s me, turning on the light.
My house is a pig sty. At least I have a house. A place to call home, where I can be happy and safe
with my family.
My baby won’t stop screaming unless I hold him constantly. I worry that I’ve spoiled my baby
by holding him too much, but I keep being told to enjoy this, because I’ll be too busy to do this
with any future children. A baby that needs holding is a perfect excuse to snuggle and binge-watch
Netflix with no guilt. Even if it starts out annoying because I can’t do all the things on my to-do list,
I come to love those moments watching him sleep, or smile, or even cry, because if I’m honest I
always think he’s cute.
It’s harder to find time for sex. This means that any time we do find for it is used well. It’s become
something more special because it is less commonplace. I wouldn’t say that our sex life has suffered
because of the baby, but it is now an infrequent treat. We find other ways to stay close physically —
snuggling at bedtime is an especial favorite.
I regularly get spit up in my hair and all over my clothes. It’s so gross. It really is. But
sometimes it’s the only motivation I have to change out of my pj’s. It also is a great excuse to take a nice, long shower after my husband gets home instead of taking a short one during one of the baby’s daytime naps.
Breastfeeding is time-consuming, and gums are not soft when the baby bites. I hated
breastfeeding at first. It took our son a while to figure out how to do it, and so the first few weeks
of practice were very painful. But now it’s a wonderful bonding time for me and the baby. Not
every time, but multiple feedings a day I find myself overwhelmed by how much I love my little
baby. The oxytocin released from nursing may have something to do with it, but I’m not
complaining. It’s a wonderful feeling being so close to my baby and knowing that he needs and
loves me.
The thing I’m realizing is that the good moments are more than just the “silver lining” to
motherhood. Having a baby is hard, but it is good. It is innately good. There are bad days, and bad
parts to every day, but there is so much more than just silver lining in motherhood. Motherhood is
all gold.
These hashtags are filling up social media right now. Especially with the potential appointment of Neil Gorsuch (a very vocal pro-life activist) to the Supreme Court, the internet is full of the republicans rejoicing and the democrats dissenting.
I have been doing a lot of research, trying to understand both sides of the issue. I am very, very pro-life (or anti-abortion, if you like — the term doesn’t offend me), but I wanted to understand why so many people are pro-choice/pro-abortion. I then worked on writing my responses to them.
There are lots of assumptions and fudged facts on both sides, but with some digging the truth can come out. The other difficulty is that sometimes that answers have room for interpretation or opinion, such as to the question of when life begins. I have tried to be as factual and distant as I can as I respond to these different arguments, but I cannot help but be biased because I have a three-month-old son who is the light of my life (my husband calls him our little photon), and the idea of him being killed in the womb makes me cry without hesitation.
I invite comments, responses to my arguments, and clarifications if anything I wrote doesn’t make sense to you. References and additional links are provided at the end with corresponding numbers. This war of words is all over the internet, and maybe this article will help somebody think a little more about choosing life.
1. Fetuses aren’t alive until later in pregnancy, so early-term abortions aren’t killing anything.
→Miriam-Webster Dictionary’s definition of “life” is an “organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction.” A baby in the womb exhibits all these qualities. From the moment of conception, the fertilized oocyte (egg) is metabolizing, giving it energy to grow, until it is a fetus and reacts to stimuli in its small uterus world, and begins its process of preparing to reproduce, which won’t be completed for another 10–16 years (adolescence).
2. Fetuses aren’t considered people until they are viable or born.
→Sea turtle eggs are protected by both federal and state laws. Any destruction to these embryos can result in high fines or even jail time! Yet, human embryos (what we call babies in the earliest stages of pregnancy) are legal to kill in awful ways. Here are illustrations of both sea turtle and human embryos:
Both are supported by an organ to feed them (placenta/yolk sac). Both are soft and vulnerable. Neither could survive outside their current environment. My question is: Why is a sea turtle a precious sea turtle at this stage, and a human is a disposable fetus?
3. A fetus’s right to life doesn’t mean it has the right to use a woman’s body; my body, my choice.
→The thing is, a fetus is not part of a mother’s body. It is no more part of her body than you are part of your car when you drive it. It is essential for your survival and protection as you travel at those speeds, but when you reach your destination you get out and leave the car as it was.
A common misconception is that the placenta connects the fetus directly to the mother. This is not exactly true; half of the placenta is made by the mother’s tissues, but the other half is made by the blastocyst (name for an early, early stage of baby development) and then connects to the half made by the mother. The placenta acts as a barrier as well as a carrier: Nutrients travel from the mother to the fetus, but the mother’s blood and the baby’s blood never mix. They are two completely separate beings with two separate bodies.
Pro-life activists aren’t trying to control your body; they are trying to protect the bodies of innocent babies.
4. Babies are difficult and expensive; abortion means less children born to parents that can’t handle them.
→People in life seek to get rich so they can buy nicer things, which are more expensive. If we’re assigning worth to things based on how expensive they are, then children are the most precious things in the world!
In all seriousness, human life is precious. The Founding Fathers of the United States said in the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” The first unalienable right listed is that of life. Every fetus deserves life.
As for expenses that wear on families, there are so many government programs to help families that are struggling. There are also nonprofit programs and thrift shops to help. With those aids, children born into less than ideal circumstances have the chance to live and hopefully improve those circumstances for their children. In the worst case scenarios, adoption may prove to be a viable option for decreasing financial pressure of children while still respecting their right to life.
5. The adoption system is already too full and slow, so abortion is a more realistic and useful option.
→It’s true that the adoption system is messed up. It can cost so much money and take so long. It requires lawyers and agencies and an understanding of laws that I won’t even pretend to understand. However, abortion as an easier option means that a change to the adoption process will never happen. The fact that it is easier to kill a child than to adopt one is wrong. If we put as much effort into protesting adoption rights as we do abortion, I believe more children would live and would have the chance to be placed into loving homes.
6. Babies limit a woman’s ability to progress in her career.
→I have two responses to this argument. First: Being a stay-at-home-mom is a career. I don’t get vacations and evenings off like my husband — it is a 24/7 job that makes no money, but saves a ton of it. SAHMs also get to spend tons of time with their kids during the most developmentally vital years.
Second: You can have a career and a family. It takes work and expert juggling, but you can do it. If a career is important enough, women can make it work without needing to abort their child. Besides, if the career is lucrative enough to consider abortion, then odds are it makes enough money to pay for day care.
7. It’s just another form of birth control.
→I’m not going to enter the argument about whether birth control is moral or not. That is another conversation entirely. However, abortion is not birth control. The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines “contraception” as “deliberate prevention of conception or impregnation.” “Abortion” is defined as “the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus.” Those terms are not synonymous, because “prevention” means before and “termination” means after. Going back to our earlier argument about embryos and fetuses being alive, “termination” means killing a living human. Birth control stops the sperm and egg from becoming one at all. Big difference.
8. Making abortion illegal doesn’t decrease the number of abortions, but instead just causes women to seek out unsafe abortions.
→Yes, that is true, but the laws that prohibit driving 100 mph on the freeway don’t seem to drastically decrease the number of people doing so. The laws are there to dissuade those on the edge from acting a certain way, to add a sense of morality to obeying the law, and to express consequences for disobeying. For example, those people who drive 100 mph on a 70 mph freeway will have a more disastrous crash if mishap were to occur than those going the speed limit. The law is there to help keep people safe. In the same way, the law to make abortion illegal would save the unborn from the abortions and the women from unsafe abortions, but if someone decides to do it on their own then the “crash” will be more disastrous.
9. Abortion saves women from the psychological damage caused by being refused an abortion.
→This argument is the one I know the least about. I am not well-versed in psychology, and the articles I read had very mixed messages. All I can say is this: An abortion is a huge, and very final, decision. There is no turning back once it’s done, and the consequences of ending a potential life are immeasurable. I feel that that should have some affect on the mental health of the woman receiving the abortion, but if the fetus is not seen as a human life I can understand why having the opportunity for freedom from that “burden” would be of greater harm than actually receiving the abortion. If we agree that fetuses are human, though, then I believe the psychological damage would be worse after having an abortion than being denied one.
10. Abortion is an effective means of population control.
→The world isn’t overpopulated. As technology and science progress we’ll be able to help the planet sustain even more people! Besides, we have a while before we even have to worry about sustainability. The problems of sustainability and distribution of resources may be solved by one of the fetuses that someone decides not to abort for the sake of population control.
11. Childbirth is much more dangerous than an abortion.
→Dangerous for who, exactly? The amount of women who die in childbirth is so much lower than the amount of children who die from abortions. It is a risk to get pregnant and have a baby (I know, because my type 1 diabetes caused an emergency c-section for me and a NICU stay for my baby), but it also brings about great potential to better the world with each child born. Each child aborted is a risk averted, and an infinite potential snuffed out.
12. Tax dollars don’t fund the abortions at Planned Parenthood.
→The taxes may not directly be put to use in funding abortions, but they are used in other ways that free up other money for the abortions. It’s the same as if your mom gave you $20 for groceries, but now you have an extra $20 to go to the movies. You may not be using the exact $20 bill your mother gave you, but that money freed up the money you used for the movie. In the same way, the government tax dollars go toward STI testing, birth control, or other preventative measures, freeing up lots of money to go toward abortions.
In fact, reports from former Planned Parenthood managers tell that abortion quotas are set and incentives given to reach them. This system of government funding everything but the abortions and the displaced money going to them instead creates a revenue from the abortions.
13. Abortion is most often used in cases of danger to the mother or baby, or in cases of rape.
→This reason is extremely overused. Less than 1% of abortions are used to save the mother’s life, and less than .5% are due to cases of rape or incest. As for the health of the baby, what does killing it accomplish? Most baby-health-related cases include early delivery or miscarriage, so abortion is not necessary. Abortion because the baby is sick just means there’s never any chance of recovery and healthy birth. The majority of abortions are because of convenience or economic reasons. This argument, while the idea is valid, is vastly exaggerated.
14. It saves parents from having to deal with children with severe disabilities such as anencephaly, down syndrome, etc.
→The percentage of children diagnosed with Trisomy 21, or Down Syndrome, who are aborted varies from 61–93% in the United States and Europe. That means more than half of these children don’t get the chance to grow, learn, or be loved. 95% of children with anencephaly (where the child is born without parts of the brain and skull) are aborted upon diagnoses. Yet there are so many stories of very successful people with Down Syndrome who change the lives of those around them, and of babies with anencephaly who only live a short while but are loved by their family forever.
The best things in life aren’t easy. The families of these children with Down Syndrome, anencephaly, and other severe disabilities are stronger and better for their struggles, and for the lives that, even for a short time, were part of theirs.
I have tried to remain logical and scientific throughout this article. I have included references and additional opinions to support my responses. Now, I am going to express my personal beliefs.
I am a Christian, and I believe that every single person is a child of God — me, you readers, the baby with anencephaly, the doctor who has performed hundreds of abortions, the mother who walks out of the clinic with a baby and the mother who leaves without one. Each and every child conceived deserves the chance to fulfill their divine potential as a son or daughter of God. Life may not be easy for them — disabilities, difficult family circumstances, adoption, or the foster care system — but at least they have a chance to take those hardships and grow from them.
Abortion takes the choices that belong to God — whether the baby lives or dies in the womb — and takes it upon ourselves. Humans are selfish and short-sighted, and it’s not always our fault, but that means that it should not be up to us to decide the fate of an innocent baby who cannot make the choice for itself.
It is our duty to protect the unborn. To be pro-life is to be pro-woman, pro-man, pro-human, and ultimately pro-choice, because you are standing up for the choices of those yet to be born.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placenta ; the car analogy is not mine, but I heard it on social media a long time ago and was not able to find the original source.
