We are Daughters of our Heavenly Father

In the past few years, the feminist, transgender, and LGBT movements have spent a lot of time trying to "even the playing field" in regards to sexuality, treatment of different genders, and gender roles. While I am all for loving everyone, for equal pay and opportunities, and for the exercise of our God-given gift of agency, I have found that one of the greatest areas to suffer in these movements is the divine role being a woman. What it means to be a woman is something that is now changing, with many original roles of woman being termed "limiting" or "antiquated". I want to take this time to express my gratitude for my role as a woman, and to share how it has blessed my life. I will be taking this especially from the view of a woman in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, showing how much my Heavenly Parents love me and how much worth I have innately as a child of God.

I will begin with the scripture every Christian woman knows by heart: "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies" (Proverbs 31:10). According to dictionary.com, the word "virtuous" means "conforming to moral and ethical principles; morally excellent; upright." The moral and ethical principles we should be living up to are the laws of God: charity, obedience, courage, prayerfulness, and yes, chastity. As we obey God's commandments we become a light to the world. We set an example of living a Christlike life, thus making our worth "far above rubies" because we are affecting the world for good. God doesn't just expect that of us: He knows we can do it. He trusts us to be an influence for good to everyone around us. We are not meant to sit in a house all day, cleaning and cooking and quietly knitting. We may do those things, but we also share the light of Christ as we do them by living virtuously.

This leads me to one of the greatest blessings we have as women: The opportunity to be mothers. Though I'm speaking from the perspective of a soon-to-be mother, this applies to all women, whether you have children or not. Some of my greatest influences, growing up and today, are from aunts, cousins, and friends who are not mothers themselves. God has entrusted the nurturing of his most tender, malleable souls to our care. While fathers and mothers are to work together to care for their children, often mothers are the ones that choose to stay home and care for the children full-time.

I love biology: Sharks and anatomy and the evolution of bacteria are all fascinating to me, and I won't deny that I know quite a bit about those subjects. However, despite the fact that I feel that once I have my degree I will be fully qualified to be a biology teacher, and I like to think I'd be an exceptionally good one, I am choosing to stay home and be a mother, at least until my children are older. This is not because I was brainwashed in Young Women's or because I feel like I'll be judged by my family or peers if I choose not to stay home. I am doing this because I want to. For all I have dreamed for most of my life of being a high school teacher, I have dreamed my entire life of being a mother. I want to write books, to travel the world, to meet Ramin Karimloo and Michael Crawford and Chris Evans; but more than any of those things, I want to have children. I want to be the one to raise them, to help them grow close to the Savior, to teach them about God and about the world around them, to be their mother--stinky diapers and throwing up and tantrums and all. I know that I can be a mother and still see those other dreams become a reality, it may just take more time. I know that as I choose to put my family and God's plans for my family first, He will help me get the most I can out of my life.

Two of the most influential women in my life are my mother and my mother-in-law. My mom has never had to work out of the home; in fact, because of medical conditions in me and my siblings, it has been better that she hasn't, so as to be available to help in emergencies. Now that she is down to just two children at home and they are older, she is just now rediscovering old passions and hobbies. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, has had the opportunity to be an elementary school teacher for nine years. She began because she needed to provide for her family, and yet she loves what she does. She also is beginning a videography business, often using her children as her assistants. She is still actively the mother in her family, even while having a full-time job. Both situations--vastly different from each other--fit what each woman and what each family needed. When I talk to each of them, they are both happy with their lives. That is the key: When we are doing what God needs us to do, we will be happy. 

Another role I am blessed to embrace is that of a wife. Right now I am feeling very "housewife-y", cleaning and cooking and paying bills to fill my time while waiting for the baby to come. However much I hate doing the dishes, I understand they need to be done. I am grateful for the time I have to keep the house a place where the spirit can dwell--and part of that comes, I've learned, from having a clean home. I choose to try and make dinner for Hunter every night, but when I've been especially tired from being pregnant or even just didn't want to make it he never complains. My making dinner for him isn't an expectation: it's a way I can serve my husband. He may not say it, but I can see the relief in his eyes when he doesn't have to scrounge his own dinner from whatever leftovers we have in the fridge. I love my husband, and he does so much for me. My desire to learn how to cook new meals and to have the kitchen be clean come from my desire to help and bless him. 

But that's only part of being a wife, though it's often the part we focus the most on. My main role as a wife is to be a "help meet" for my husband (see Genesis 2:18). To me, that means I am there for him, and he is there for me. We help each other, meeting in the middle. When he has a bad day and needs someone to rub his back while we watch too many episodes of "Scrubs", I'll do that. When he is feeling inadequate, I'll be the one to tell him how much worth he has to me and to God. When he's grumpy and needs space, I'm the one who will make cookies for him because that's just what I do when someone I love is grumpy. When I feel ugly, he is the one who makes me feel beautiful. When my hands and feet are swollen because of pregnancy, he's the one who rubs them and tells me how proud he is of all the work I'm putting into this baby. When I have questions about how important I really am in God's plan, he's the one who tears up as he tells me how very important I am as a daughter of God and as a mother, even though I may not see it yet. He is my help meet, and I am his. I am so blessed to be his wife. “Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him" (Matthew Henry), and I might add, next to him to support him and to be equal to him. 

Now I will address one of the touchier subjects: Women and the priesthood. There is a quote that I feel explains it very well: "In our Heavenly Father’s great priesthood-endowed plan, men have the unique responsibility to administer the priesthood, but they are not the priesthood. Men and women have different but equally valued roles. Just as a woman cannot conceive a child without a man, so a man cannot fully exercise the power of the priesthood to establish an eternal family without a woman. In other words, in the eternal perspective, both the procreative power and the priesthood power are shared by husband and wife” (Elder M. Russell Ballard, “This Is My Work and My Glory,” Apr. 2013 general conference). Men and women both work under the priesthood, but in different roles. In the temple, women perform ordinances with authority from the priesthood, even though they are not administering it exactly. There are lots of questions that stem from women and the temple, but it is not my goal to address those today. I wish only to express how I have been blessed by the priesthood in my life, even though I do not hold it. 

Men administer the priesthood, but cannot bless themselves with it. Everyone, man or woman, must seek out a worthy priesthood holder to receive a blessing. Our ability to receive blessings is not limited in the least by our gender. As a woman, I am blessed to receive all the ordinances of the priesthood--baptism, confirmation, endowment, and sealing--by the authority of the priesthood. My life is blessed every day because of those priesthood ordinances I have received. 

In 1838, Missouri's governor issued the "extermination order", which led to all the Mormons in the state being driven out at gun-point. On October 30th of that year, the town of Haun's Mill was attacked by a mob, killing or injuring all the men and older boys in the settlement. Amanda Barnes Smith found her eleven-year-old son, Alma, had his hip blown apart by a gunshot. All the men in the settlement were dead or seriously injured, so there wasn't someone immediately available to give a blessing. God did not give up on Amanda: She prayed with sincere faith over her son and was given the same blessings as if a priesthood holder had been there to give Alma a blessing. She was inspired to know how to make a dressing for his hip and how to have him lay so he would heal. In the end, Alma was able to walk just fine after his injury healed. God does not favor men over women because they hold the priesthood. The priesthood is a means for all God's children to receive His blessings, but when a woman prays in faith it can work just the same because God hears all our prayers, not just the priesthood holders'. 

I have been able to begin reading the Old Testament recently, and I am discovering just how important women are to the work of the Lord. God needed Sarah to be Isaac's mother, not Hagar. Abraham wasn't the only parent who was important when it came to continuing the bloodline of the covenant. Rebekah was chosen to marry Isaac because of her Christlike goodness, shown by her being willing to draw water for the ten thirsty camels who belonged to a stranger. No wonder God inspired Abraham to send his servant so far away to find Isaac's wife: He knew what a strong, righteous woman Rebekah was and knew that no distance was too far to go find her. 

There are so many questions that arise when it comes to women in the church. One thing I know is this: We knew God's plan before we came to earth. We knew all of it, including those parts that we don't know now. If I didn't like the way the plan was going to work out for me as a woman, I don't imagine I would be here on earth now. In the premortal world I chose to follow God's plan of happiness--happiness for men and women. All things will work out for our eternal good, meaning we will have eternal joy. Even if things don't make sense now, we can have faith that they will work out. When we die we keep our personalities. That means if I have questions about polygamy now, they won't just go away when I die; I believe things really will work out in a way that I will not just be content, but I will be joyful. Whether that means I am given greater context and answers, or things work out differently than I imagine them now, it doesn't matter. God knows us: He knows our questions and our concerns and He knows that we long for answers. The thing is that, in this life, we have to walk by faith. As we continue on, even in the face of unanswered questions, how much greater will be our joy when those questions are answered. As we keep the faith, not letting influences of the world make our faith waver, we will have more joy and more answers than we will if we look outside the gospel for answers. 

Satan has women under attack. Being a woman doesn't mean anything anymore: Why bother being a mother when you can abort your baby and keep your life for yourself? Why be a woman when it's so much better to be a man? Why get married when you can be free and not limit yourself to one partner? Even within the church, Satan is getting to the women. We feel we are less important because there are more men than women general authorities, or because the Bishop comes to Young Women's but the Relief Society president never visits Elder's Quorum. Those are Satan's lies, and we must battle his lies with God's truths: That men and women have different roles, but both are equally important. The Relief Society president may not visit Elder's Quorum meetings, but she is indispensable when it comes to helping the Elder's Quorum president understand the needs of the families in the ward. There are more men than women General Authorities, but I dare you to find one of the Apostles who doesn't give all the credit for his good life to his wife. We women are the nurturers of families and wards; we are the support for the priesthood leaders who feel overwhelmed; we are the bakers of cookies, the watchers of children of sick parents, and the layers of sod. "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father who loves us and we love Him." It may have become habit to say it, but it's more true than we'll ever understand. As daughters, wives, mothers, leaders, followers, aunts, friends, neighbors, teachers, or anything else we want to become: God loves us and supports us. As we remember how important we are in God's plan--as mothers, as church leaders, and as whatever else He needs us to be--we can reject Satan's attempts to make us feel like we are being stifled or ignored. We may not understand everything now, but that's why we walk by faith. Besides, I like to imagine both of our Heavenly Parents are cheering us on, because they are perfect and perfectly happy, and they know that as we have faith and follow Them, we can be someday, too.

Have Courage

I am afraid on a fairly regular basis. I'm afraid because I haven't felt the baby move in three hours; I'm afraid because a charge on our card hasn't processed yet; I'm afraid because it is raining so hard I can't see the road. The worst kind of fear, however, is fear of ridicule. I fear loss of respect; that something I say or do will make my friends love or respect me less. I fear that they will get angry and my relationship with them will be irreparable.

At my current stage of life, most of my interactions with friends is via social media. I love seeing updates on their lives: Pictures of vacations, wedding and pregnancy announcements, and updates on educational and vocational milestones. However, there is also a, I'll call it a sort of veil, across social media. When we post online, there is a veil of "unrealness". Because we are posting this while sitting in bed with our pants off while eating a bowl of ice cream (don't judge me, that's my favorite way to Facebook), it makes us and those on the other side of the internet seem farther away. It doesn't matter how close we feel in person to those who are our social media friends, when we are posting there is a veil that separates us and them and our feelings of closeness are muted. This means that we are much more likely to post something than we are to say it. 

That is why I have thought about this blog post long and hard. I've decided to write this with the mindset as if I was speaking to each reader individually, whether it's someone I know in "real life" or not. As you read this post, please imagine us sitting in a living room, wrapped up in the afghans that are supposed to be decorative but are really very cozy and eating popcorn with no regard for the kernels dropping on the floor because that's what vacuums are for and we're too busy talking to care. Or imagine us out in an ice cream shop, eating milkshakes that are way too big for our stomachs but it's a challenge we're willing to accept as we talk. This is how I would rather be expressing my thoughts to you, if it were possible. Another problem with the "social media veil" is it also makes it easier to argue, sometimes unkindly. I ask, as always, that you comment with your thoughts at the end of this post. I also ask that you imagine our living room or ice cream setting as you write the comment, thus making it as truthful and as true to your person as possible. 

My fear of rejection from those I love, accompanied by the false sense of anonymity that accompanies the social media veil, is why Facebook is such a frightening place for me. However, I know that I have a responsibility to use social media to spread light and truth, even if truth is sometimes blunt or difficult to swallow. This means I must have courage while on social media: Not the courage to argue or be unkind, but the courage to boldly declare my beliefs and to stand for what I know is right. I understand that I am not the epitome of knowledge, and that much of what I believe is opinion, but I always try to base my beliefs in doctrine, and to clarify when I am expressing something that is less than fact. 

The world today is a constant argument. Nothing can be posted on any online forum without receiving praise, complaints, articles containing opposing views, and comments upon comments of everyone's "two bits". And everyone does have a right to have their voice heard, and social media makes that available to more people than anyone else in history. However, the continual bickering and hash-and-rehashing makes posting my beliefs, which are continually falling among the less-popular views in the world today, a frightening idea. 

President Thomas S. Monson, in the Priesthood session of the April 2014 General Conference of the LDS church, said the following: "Courage comes in many forms. Wrote the Christian author Charles Swindoll: “Courage is not limited to the battlefield … or bravely catching a thief in your house. The real tests of courage are much quieter. They are inner tests, like remaining faithful when no one’s looking, … like standing alone when you’re misunderstood.” I would add that this inner courage also includes doing the right thing even though we may be afraid, defending our beliefs at the risk of being ridiculed, and maintaining those beliefs even when threatened with a loss of friends or of social status. He who stands steadfastly for that which is right must risk becoming at times disapproved and unpopular."

If you are reading this post, know that I love you. Really, truly, I do. Part of why all the contention online today makes me so sad is because I understand that God loves all of us, and that we are supposed to love each other. True, things will happen that make us angry, and that's OK, but that's no reason to show hatred toward others. Love is compassion, listening, understanding without having to agree, and respecting others viewpoints. That is my goal, and I hope that you will give me the same love in return. My goal is never to be unkind, but I need to learn to be more direct. 

In the same talk quoted earlier, President Monson also said, "We will all face fear, experience ridicule, and meet opposition. Let us—all of us—have the courage to defy the consensus, the courage to stand for principle. Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God’s approval. Courage becomes a living and an attractive virtue when it is regarded not only as a willingness to die manfully but also as the determination to live decently." In the world today, I believe living decently includes spreading principles throughout social media, sharing ideas that, hopefully, will bring those who see them closer to Christ.

" For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek" (Romans 1:16, KJV). The gospel of Jesus Christ, with its doctrines on family, gender, eternal life, and the restoration, is not a very popular subject. The modern practices and ideas that go against these doctrines are everywhere and very, very popular. Whether you are a Mormon, an atheist, married with three kids, or living a gay lifestyle, I'm not here to judge you. It is not my job to tell you what to believe or do. However, it is my job to share what I believe is right. If you agree with me or not is irreleveant: I still love you and I still respect you. I pray that you will still love and respect me after you read the things I post, agreeable to you or not. My fear of losing your love and respect is no longer going to deter me from sharing what I believe or what I know to be right on social media. 

I guess that's what this blog post is: It's me gathering my courage to "stand as [a witness] of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that [I] may be in," even on social media.